As old as I was when I got my baby boy, when I found out that I was pregnant my world stopped for a minute but the heart was filed with joy. My mind started playing tricks on me or should I rather say my sub-conscious was on some steroids of negativity. This sub-conscious would make me doubt myself and capabilities but I really just think it was mainly because I was a whole worshipper at church, a woman after God’s heart who just started realizing her gift of the spirit , just graduated from college and unemployed.
The first thing that came to mind after finding out about my pregnancy was ‘I disappointed God, my parents and my pastor’. I had thoughts about how ‘abazalwane’ (Christians)would look at me and knowing how majority of them always act hollier than thou, they were definitely going to gossip and laugh behind my back because it is a taboo for one to have a baby out of wedlock in the Christian community.
As young mothers we go through the most, if its not the baby daddy denying the pregnancy they know very well they responsible for, its the community making remarks about how you being pregnant out of wedlock is a disgrace, or how once there’s a baby in the picture your future and dreams are ruined. I remember the looks that I got when the stomach started showing at church, was even asked when I’d be getting married (funny right?). Well it took time for me to accept that whatever happens in my life happens for the greater good, well depending on how you see it but I keep positive vibes always.
My baby was never a taboo, he might have been to the church but definitely not to me because after I conceived and found out about it, I went from being unemployed to having to choose between two jobs. To think there was no one working in the household to me having to work for one of the biggest banks in South Africa, don’t get me wrong I’m not gloating. This little being brought so much joy, peace an happiness in the household and in my life so if that isn’t a blessing then I don’t know what is. (Blessing-God’s favour and protection.)
The only time you will realize that your child is a blessing and not a taboo as the society might have it is when we stop allowing people’s opinion have so much weight on our decision-making. We definitely can not make everyone happy on this earth but as long as you are happy and your child is happy then that’s all that counts. we wont reach our dreams all at the same time and/or at the same pace so please top comparing yourself with everyone. You are a great mother and are doing a great job with raising your blessing. Take care of yourself so you can take care of your bundle of joy.
Motherhood is near to divinity. It is the holiest service to be assumed by
mankind- Howard W Hunter